I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize