the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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