So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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