last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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