hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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