if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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