never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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