It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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