During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
send nudes
from the living room?
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