I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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