WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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