You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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