you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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