ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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