I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Still dying that you shit outside
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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