one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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