Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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