So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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