She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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