Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize