i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize