It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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