im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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