Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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