Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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