I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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