At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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