i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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