The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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