I think I won the penis lottery.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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