WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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