my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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