he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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