I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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