I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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