Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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