He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize