I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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