make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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