i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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