god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize