If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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