only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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