I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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