So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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