I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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