Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize