Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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