just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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