It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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